Just another day in paradise

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right - so I was supposed to post a few days ago. My bad. My bad.  what can I say - blah blah work, blah blah French classes, blah blah LUSH, blah blah colonic, blah blah spending time with Paul blah, blah, blah. But what matters is that I am here now!  By the way, have you lost weight - you are looking fabulous (flattery will get me everywhere!!)

Last night, Rich and I drained several pitchers of sangria at Moody's.  There were multiple highlights of the evening - plenty of snorts, discussion of life and what is it really all about, flying onion rings and above all drunk tweeting/texting - oye.

So - what you have all been asking about - my colonic.  I am actually surprised at the separate emails I recieved about the procedure - so here it is - read at your own peril. So I show up at the office and filled out all these forms about me.  One I had to answer questions to determine what body type I was - Vata, Pitta or Kapha (link here) Turns out I am a Kapha - no big shocker when you read the description.  Then I met with the colon cleaner and we discussed the recent blood clot and how it has affected my diet and exercise.  Then......I undressed (dum dum DUUUUMMMMMMMM).

so they have you climb on this table that is heated (that was nice) gave me a nice tummy rub (that was nice - though it did make me feel rather like a jello mold), then...well then they had me roll on my side and things were - ahem - inserted.  During the entire process somewhere between 14-20 GALLONS of water are flushed through the colon.  That is a lot of water - and a weird feeling - esp when they do "flushes" which is similar to turning the tap on full throttle.  I was able to watch most of what was coming out - and it was a lot of water - not the abundant waste show I was expecting...could it be that I was not as full of shit as I thought I was?  At the end, I was a little wiped (pun not intended - but I am keeping it) they gave me some pro biotic pills and some electrolytes.  So did I lose any weight - nope.  Did my boobs get smaller? Yes (I swear - can't figure it out, but they did) Did I have more energy, less bloat and overall good experience - yes.  Would I do it again - yes, for sure....I mean I literally had to hold still for 30 minutes - when do I ever do that?

And there you go.

For those who know - the Lovely Lisa is doing Ok after her car accident this afternoon - the Universe was looking out for her.

Ass-tounding!!!

Not only is this my 700th post - but I have finally signed up to do something that I have been REALLY wanting to do for a while.  I am going to get a colonic!!  Ha. Seriously, I've been facinated with them since I saw Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra get one before their wedding (thank you MTV).  Now no nay saying going on please - it is time that I get rid of 1993's Christmas Dinner.  I've listed to all your arguments, consulted a physician and dietitian....and have been told doing this once or twice a year is fine.  And since I am not an addictive person (at least when it comes to shoving things up my ass) I have complete faith that I will not become a colonic junkie. And if I do, I have no doubt that you all will let me know.

I am watching, as I type, "Supersize Me".....I am at Day 21 and am still not grossed out or turned off by fast food....I know I should be....I should be horrified....however, I keep thinking how good the Big Mac looks.  Of course, I also eat about 4 a year - so it's not like I am there every day - anymore.  I am seriously bummed that I didn't gag even once.  What is wrong with me???

Tomorrow is Friday - not sure how this week flew by so fast...but it did.  I will report in this weekend after my first French class.  And to all those that have been in the hospital over the past few weeks that I have been out of town - stop it!!  STOP IT!!  Get yourselves well and out of there.

Oh and just for the record - in the past week, I have heard two different stories involving little boys and their twig/berries....both extreamly funny stories - just say the words memis and tick dick to me and I will most likely snort or spew coffee.

If you seek...well, me!

hey there faithful readers - I am back from my duo whirlwind trips to California.  The past few days have been very calm since I was with my very very very preggers college roommate.  With the help of her husband and a few friends, I was able to surprise her (thankfully, her water didn't break!) Wednesday morning - and we did a lot of sitting around and napping - something we both needed!!  In fact at one point she told me how proud she was that I wasn't checking my work email or getting calls from the office (ok I was checking my work email - but I didn't want to burst her bubble and cause early labor)  Pictures will be posted tomorrow because, frankly, I am do damn lazy to get the camera out of my bag.  If you are reading this and thinking hey - wtf - I'm in CA and she didn't see me....I am sorry - between closing the OC office and relaxing with soon to be expelled baby, my gallivanting was very limited.  Never fear, I should be back later in the year to see my little wubba.

Fireworks are currently being ignited all around me, but I can't see a lot of them - I can here them though - nothing more frustrating than hearing, but not seeing.  You know - it's like a big explosive tease. But on a nice July 4th note, I heard today from my ootka currently in Georgia for officer training....it was the perfect end to a great vacation.

Now that I am home, and don't have any travel plans for the rest of the summer, I am putting myself on detox (currently trying to finish my tub of ice cream as i write this - please forgive the misspelled words, the ice cream is melting and making a mess)  When I say detox, I don't mean those things where you drink powdered drinks that taste a bit like ass...no I mean that I am cutting the refined sugar, red meat, gluten and cow dairy out of my world again.  Of course, while I am still on blood thinners, I have to stay clear of soy and it's products, broccoli and spinach.  Side Note: the other night, while having dinner with Andrea, Mark and Barbie at Islands....I had to have the cheese fries people - had to.....anyway, Barbie got the side of steamed broccoli and let me tell you  - it smelled effin' good people!!!  Andrea, later told me that I was very obviously staring at it...sigh, oh broccoli.

Ok, so the rest of the summer watch me go!!  Healthy eating 101 is going to bring Sarah Back!! Wooooo!!  Come on people let's get pumped (clap) up!

Last night as I was watching TV in my hotel room, I thought of something I wanted to blog about - but was at that point where getting up and getting the netbook was too much of an effort....and damned if I can remember what the hell it was....ugh - I have hit that point in my life where things are starting to escape me. That is bullshit.  I spent an hour or two with some ladies that I have known for 15 years - it never seems that long....15 years, that is insane....and I love that within those 15 years we still fall into the same roles, the same phrasing of words, the same smiles - still talking the same smack about people (I shudder to think what is said behind my back - all with love I know, but still I shudder). We are certainly differenet then we were 15 years ago too - a little older, a little wiser, some married, some with kids...but these are the people I would turn to in a heartbeat if my life turned upside down....the people who were there as I found my skin (while being a complete bitch in the process) and who still love me. Those are rare people - there are one or two who live outside of CA whom I would be able to turn to and thank goodness for that (you have made Chicago a sane place), but the moment I step off a plane here I feel like I am being folded into a warm blanket - and no it is not the humidity,

enough waxing, I still can't rememeber what the hell I wanted to write about - lame!  Going to brush my teeth and see if that turns it up.

Well I have clean teeth - but still no clue....well it would have been a good topic I am sure since I was switching between PBS, America's Most Wanted and Castle.  Oh and I watched my first ever episode of Law and Order - and it was the one with Hillary Duff...maybe that was it, about vaccination of children - I really doubt that was it - but it is an interesting topic.

Ok, this is really getting weird, so pitchman Billy Mays is dead - and I just finished watching his show on Discovery Channel AND I read about him in the American Airline magazine....maybe I really am the reaper....crap.  I am going to go down and get some coffee - and they better make it just right....or else!! (kidding kidding - don't want to be pulled in for questioning or anything.)

They call me the Reaper

Being my profession, people are often not happy to see me show up at their office - more often than not it means something is going down.  Maybe the cosmos feel the same way because less than 12 hours after touching down in CA, not one but two celebrity deaths.  I'll be flying back to Chicago on Sunday - take your vitamins.

yesterday, I got to each lunch AND dinner at the Soup Plantation - yum!!  I'm rather bound to what is within walking distance....and the hotel is insane with their prices and such...I expect to be eating there for lunch again today. On the bright side, I am at the hotel right across from the office - which is where I am heading now.  Need to grab some coffee and off I go.

oh and I was told my salary was being cut - but it's still a paycheck so I am grateful for that.  Good thing I picked up that secondn (ok fine - third) job.

not my first time at this rodeo

two guesses where I am - wow you got it in one - the airport!!  This would be the 3rd flight of June - we all know of the fiasco that was New Orleans...then there was the drama of the flight to South Carolina (3 hours on the plane pulling in and out of the gate - oye!!!)  So here I am at ORD waiting to fly out to CA to pack up our office out there....and of course, my flight is delayed.  sigh.  at least I have my wubba of a computer little Mini Sarah (the netbook).  I am watching some instant netflix and typing this blog....however, I think I packed the power cord in my suitcase that I checked...blast. Smooth move.

So this last minute flight is causing me to miss my water aerobics class, my first french class, two nights of bartending - but most of all I am missing Miss Lis' visit to Chicago.  grumble.  I better get some In n Out during this trip.....there is a cheesburger animal style with my name on it baby.

Other than that - life is good.  My leg is feeling a-Ok. sigh.  Ok time to get ready to board (crossing fingers that the person on the aisle will switch with me since I need to streatch the leg out and I am stuck at the window, with no upgrades available.  That is what happens when you have last minute flights.  Positive thoughts!

I will leave you with this awesome infomercial 

New Wubbas

So my parents are getting a puppy

and I just got a netbook.   Both are small and wonderful and give me warm fuzzies.

ok I've calmed down....

so I was in a bit of a rant about new orleans last week - so quickly, here is the rest of the story....

So where was I, oh yes, in front of my father's seat.  Well, the flight started out OK.  The lady across the aisle from me kept trying to start up a conversation and I was not having it.  Very much holding a book up in front of my face to show that I am engrossed in my book.  I don't know what Dad was doing behind me - but he kept hitting my seat, it was all I could do to not put my seat back and stick my tongue out (give me a little break here people - I was tired and a bit punchy at this point.  During the flight, Mom taps me on the shoulder and whispers to me "I just heard from the flight attendant that we are running out of fuel and have to land in St. Louis."  After I accused her of teasing me, then repeatedly whispering "You got to be fucking kidding me!!?!!", the pilot came on the PA and announced that we were indeed heading to St. Louis.  The weather at O'Hare was bad and we had been circling so much that the fuel was low.  We sat on the ground for about 90 minutes (meanwhile the lady across the aisle kept complaining that she wasn't allowed to drink while on the ground and kept muttering that her mother works for United)  During this time I tried to play peek a boo with my father by turing around in my seat and slowing peering over the seat.....he did not want to play - my mom thought it was hysterical.  I am funny; my mommy says so!!! 

ack - have to get to the dr office to test my blood.  Will finish this tonight I promise - as well as upload my photos of the trip to flickr AND tell you what I am doing this weekend....hint it involves a plane AGAIN.

And rememeber - Miss Sarah thinks you are awesome!!!!

And now, the first part of the rest of the story....

For those who do not follow me on Twitter (which to me is the ultimate in self centeredness - I mean, I just get to write all about me and really don't have to look at what anyone else writes....but it lets me say things that I would want to say if someone was standing right next to me...does that make sense???)..as I was saying, if you do not follow me on Twitter, then you prob don't know that I didn't get home until 11pm last night.  That's right - 11pm.....14 hours from when I was initially supposed to land and 19 hours after I had gotten up.  To say I was punchy and a dragging my ass would be an understatement.

So they finally canceled my 6:30am flight around 11ish.  I was able to get standby on the 2:38 flight and a def. ticket for the 5:45pm flight.  Well, around 12:30 my parents called to say they were at the airport early to keep me company  -- however, United would not let them check their bags until 4 hours before their flight - poor lambs had to wait on the other side of security for a little over an hour - at least they were on the side that had all the food.  Frickin' NOLA airport is, in my opinion, ass backwards.  There is not a lot of food options on the gate side of security - but a crap load of food on the non-flying side.  My slight salvation was a little magazine stand - which by 5pm (and my fourth visit in 12 hours) they greeted me by name.  I will admit that I did go to the other side for lunch, but only because I had to go to the ticket agent to change my tickets....at least I was able to get my Sonic fix.  My parents finally made it through around 2pm.....and then I was called for the 2:38 flight.   Now in my previous post I talked about feeling the clot when I was flying - not so cool.  So when I went up to get my ticket for the flight, I discovered that not only did I no longer have my upgrade to Economy Plus - but i was on the right side of the plane against a window.....not good for the clotted right leg.  I asked to be moved to a left aisle seat - but since they had a smaller plane flying out they did not have a seat.  I debated for a moment - and decided that I didn't want to put my leg in any more stress than necessary.  I  mean if it ached like a SOB when seated in an aisle where I could stretch it out - how was it going to feel when up against a window?  So I declined the ticket and took my Economy Plus seat back on the 5:45pm which I found was in front of my father's seat.  I later had the opportunity to regret that move.

Greetings from the New Orleans Airport

I've been here for about 4 hours - and should be descending into O'Hare right about now....but instead I am still sitting in New Orleans.  Fabulous. The next flight (if mine does not get off the ground) is 2:38 - after that I could be on the 5:45 on which my parents are booked.  My initial bout of sleepiness has passed....filled with grrrrrr and the need to pee.  I just hate airport bathrooms when traveling by myself since you need to take EVERYTHING with you, and if you know me, you know I do not travel light. 

Anyway - good thing I have the computer - I have some of Abbie's photos from this weekend that I will upload to Flickr....I will upload mine either later today or tomorrow.  I did make a promise to Mom not to reveal certain photos.....so with that being said I will let your imagination run wild (which in truth is worse than the actual photos....but she made me promise.)  All I will say is that they were taken at Pat O's inside the piano bar.

I don't believe I am a big fan of the big easy.  The garden district was nice - but strangely quiet.  The food was good - but very rich and I don't much care for hurricanes (the drink or the storm).  Bourbon Street was heinous (but that could be that I was looking at it through 33 year old eyes and not the 25 year old eyes of my sister.....the fact that they have to wash off the streets every morning is gross (but not as gross as not washing it).  I just wanted to take a huge powerwasher to the whole french quarter.  Went to a few museums, walked some cemetaries, enjoyed the company of my parents and sister.  It was nice, very glad I went, but most likely won't be heading back anytime soon. 

Ugh, ok I really can't wait any longer - I need to get some food and then find the washrooms - watch me as I now morph into traveling pack mule Miss Sarah W!  All because I am just too cheap to check my bag for $15 - but I would pay $40 to upgrade my seat, because I could feel the clot flying down here - and let me just say - not a good feeling.  I thought it would be rough flying down surrounded by babies (I had 3 around me) but nope - they were good and I was the one jiggling around trying to find a comfortable position.

These photos are taking forever to load up - you may have to wait until tomorrow.